10 May


Brain Hair

One should never take the powers of one’s Random Thought Generator lightly peanut heaven dog clean. Damn, let me turn this off….

Anyway, it’s fun for a while, but then things just get confusing and stressful. Like, it’s hard to tell if after getting out of bed you want to take a bath or eat a salad for lunch, or maybe you’d prefer a movie or a net-free leap into a flaming tornado. There’s no calm in that bonanza.

“I know what you mean, but that doesn’t explain me,” said my inner monologue, courtesy of my Inner Monologue Creator. “Yeah, and reducing me to the result of something as silly as an ‘Inner Monologue Creator’ really makes me sound ridiculous.”

He’s right, of course, so let mw turn him off as well….One second… OK, all set.

Anyway, yeah, it’s best that this is a battle fought just between you–the current resident beyond my personal fourth wall–and me. Luckily, when I look at my walls, they’re all solid and I don’t see you or know you exist, so I’m safe, and you’re the crazy one, with all your “I think I exist” bullshit.”

Yeah, right. Prove your existence! Nothing, eh? Thought so…

Although then this sounds crazy again, huh. I mean, I just said it’s a battle between you and me, so why would I pick a fight with someone who doesn’t exist? Why would that matter or make sense or be worth my time?

Dammit! Maybe this is all the fault of my Time Waster & Sucker (AKA the myTWS™). In an instant, hours vanish into nothing as vague memories of rewatched Family Guy reruns fill my now-vacant head. I keep wishing I had the time to read the manual and find the on/off switch, but these days I’m so busy that I can’t even find the time to brush my teeth or think an original thought, can you hear me now? (That’s what she said.)

But first I have to feed my Power Beast some Status Tweet Update Emails or he’ll get cranky and remove the “i” from all my Pads and Pods.

Actually I’m a bit curious what would happen is if I turned all this shit off. But small wonder is squished by big bad deep super secret unknown-even-to-me knowledge that these gizmos have robbed me of confidence and strength. So when I turn them all off I’ll be nothing more than a clump of humanoid Jello. Weee, watch me wiggle my ass.

Yeah, sometimes I miss my Soylent inner Amish.